Wednesday, March 31st, 2010

Box.net Rises Above the Cloud and Launches Space Computing Initiative (Eat it, Microsoft)

By

We’re excited to finally unveil our top secret initiative to address the limitations of cloud services and exploit the next great technology frontier: space. Thanks to a whopping $500 million round of Series C funding, we’ll be migrating the content of our current 4 million Box users to various locations across our constellation of planetary bases. With modest growth projections of 4 billion users by 2020 driven by population increase and an inevitable SharePoint exodus, the future content management and collaboration demands of earth-based businesses made the move to outer space a no-brainer.

Box Co-founder and Chief Exploration Officer Aaron Levie explains this historic (rocket-based) launch:

“It became abundantly clear that cloud computing is on its way out when Steve Ballmer announced that Microsoft is ‘all in.’ Fortunately, Box.net is already light years ahead, pursuing the next great technology frontier with our space computing initiative.”

As a customer of Box’s Space Content Management solution, you’ll benefit from:

Interplanetary file redundancy: Geographic redundancy is great, but what happens when a meteor hits Earth and destroys it? Box has that solved with interplanetary redundancy. Your files will be stored on a minimum of 3 planets with at least one in another galaxy, reducing the risk of black holes, alien invasions and yet-undiscovered space things.

WarpTravel CDN: To decrease file loading times with our new system, we have implemented a WarpTravel content distribution network using an Alcubierre drive, which serves files to the planet closest to you, at any time.

Secure file deletion: Rest assured, when a file is removed from our service, its gone forever. Using our patented black hole algorithm, we ensure your file is sent through a black hole of at least 4 million solar masses.

Box.net’s central space station, code-named Boxnik, is currently staffed by a crew of 20 Boxonauts and one space monkey, a veteran of the Russian space program. For Boxnik images and more information on the benefits of Space Content Management, Boxnik job openings, and initial reactions from prominent earthlings such as Larry Ellison and Mark Zuckerberg, please visit http://box.net/spacecomputing/. We also invite fellow adventurers and space advocates to help protect Boxnik from invading FTP servers and Microsoft Star Destroyers though a virtual missile control center also available at this site.

May the force be with you.

Post by Buzz Filewalker, Chief Content Commander, Boxnik

  • ChazZeromus

    Not even I was fooled D:

  • http://www.berryforms.com Ariel Segall

    Great news – Thank you again Box.net

    One question though !!! – this morning I had my employees move all file cabinets to our Transporter so we could beam all files using your new WarpTravel feature .. It worked well, but now I have to wait till Saturday to go to the Apple Store to get my new iPad so I can really enjoy all your new cloud/space browsing capabilites to work on my files …. Is there a way for me to get one sooner – I saw Mr Spoke using one on his meeting with Aman and Sulu .

    Thank you

    • http://www.box.net Sean

      Thanks for being one of the first adopters of Space Content Management! I’m sure Aman can hook you up with an iPad :)

  • http://blog.chachra.us/ Sumit Chachra

    Is this going to create additional Space Debris? ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Space_debris )

    I am very concerned about this new development by Box… what if MSFT follows you to space? Aliens would have to deal with them and it can’t be good right?

  • http://www.ignite.it Ken

    I met one of your space ships at 33000 feet on its way back to earth a few minutes after I’d been working on my gas oven!

    Just so as you know, escape velocity can be achieved at Gas Mark 7 with a tail wind.